Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
