If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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