Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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