your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
