my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
