ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
