I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize