i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
