so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize