Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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