i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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