dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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