I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
