There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
