Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i came on her dog
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
