Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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