After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
