May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
