The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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