he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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