What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't deserve a penis
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
