my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
