All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Randomize
