your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
