Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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