Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize