Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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