You're completely useless in the revolution.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
