His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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