He disabled his match.com account in front of me
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
