another moral hangover. fuck.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
