I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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