Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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