Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
