2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize