KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
