Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
