Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
