Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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