ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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