I feel like I'm in dance class right now
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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