How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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