I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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