so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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