the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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