You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
