I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This baby is an asshole
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize