fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
