I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
