the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
two words: eviction party
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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