moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
sex in a hospital.. check
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
