Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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