I'm going to jail i love you
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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