jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
