it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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