the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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