Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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