I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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