I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize