be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
