You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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