haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
