Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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