That's intense
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
