The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize