I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The best revenge is premature balding
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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