and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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