you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize