i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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