So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
