The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
