As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
