dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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