definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize