I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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