just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
