I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize