are you so shy because you have an std?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize