You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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