His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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