I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize