Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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