I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize