I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
