what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he fucked my hip out of place.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
