is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Can't talk, ducks in the car
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
