We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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