They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
