My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
